Sunday, 6 July 2014


Something which we have but are always influenced by others.  Is it ok to change your choices?

There are people in my life who have always know exactly what they wanted. The husband, the house,  the babies.

I have never want the later.

I am not even sure about the former.

Sure my relationship is insanely important to me.  But what the next stage of that is I just don't know.
My house I am incredibly happy with and delighted we were in the position to buy it, but it's not the most important thing in life.
And children. Well. No.
I have always known that I wasn't sure.  I wasn't fussed about having them.  I haven't had the drive that others had, I haven't always had the desire that others have had. I have always been honest about it.

I always thought everyone knew this. I talk about it. I have always said it.

I remember being about 15 years old being asked about wither I wanted children.  I said no, but I was prepared for my mind to change.

17 years later and my mind hasn't changed.  Yet.

Sunday, 1 June 2014

Relax and start again

It has taken me longer than expected to truly move on.  I wont pretend that I haven't been surprised by this, or, on reflection, a little disappointed in myself for not being able to let go.

It's almost the pain pleasure thing of continually pushing the bruise that you know hurts.

I made the decision to leave my job 6 months ago now, but it still feels very real and very raw.

It isn't helped by the boredom of my current placement and the frustration at knowing the job search continues.
In the time since I resigned and left, we have moved in to our new house and spent every single weekend engrossed in diy.

I have now found a pile of unread magazines, I have over a thousand unread posts on Bloglovin (and that is with a regular clear out), I have clothes unwashed that I want to wear and although I am always looking forward to the weekend, I have realised that I am never really relaxing enough to enjoy it.

This has to change.
c/o the

I want to wake up refreshed and ready for the day ahead.  I want to switch off and enjoy the fabulous home that we are creating, and I need to remind myself that some times it is absolutely OK, to do nothing.

Relax with a cup of tea and a magazine in the garden.  After all, that's why we bought this house.

I hope you have had a lovely weekend.


Monday, 10 March 2014

A fresh start.

The last couple of months I feel like I have been in a little bubble. 
Before Christmas it wasn't a good bubble. I felt really low. The lowest for a long time.  In spite of the fact that life was good. Then we hit January and in true new year style a lot change. Very quickly. 

We finally exchanged on the house (5 months in the making) and I finally resigned (1 year in the making).

Starting with the job the feeling was pure relief.  Never have I worked with such unprofessional,  immoral people.  I was at breaking point a number of times at the end of last year the reinforcement came from the shocked responses from my nearest and dearest over Christmas.  It made me remember that this is "not normal". I really needed that reminder. 

It was a bit of a knee jerk reaction to a bad day but boy did I feel better about it. So here I am a year later sat in the same coffee shop having taken another dent wondering what next? 

I am not fishing for sympathy or pity I am trying to address the areas in my life that have got me to making the same mistakes over and over again.

I am also having to address what is deemed to be normal behaviour.  I have spent a year working in an environment where people lie with complete ease. Where the truth is secondary to issue and no one bats an eye lid.

I have become accustomed to being a part of this and while never indulging in the lies, I have treated colleagues with contempt and spoken to them in disgust.

I am ashamed of how normal this has become but so pleased that I am in a position to walk away. That I have the support of Mr Happi who said a long time ago, "whenever your ready". He made it possible to make a decision without knowing what was next. 

The next chapter will be different to the last and hopefully better.

The next chapter will involve the house and the shifted focus. 
Somehow a blue sky makes it all seem a little better. 

Friday, 24 January 2014

More red lipstick

MAC lipstick of choice at the moment.  (stock picture from
their website.)

Do you have an item in your wardrobe which makes you feel more confident?

As I am currently going through the job hunt process once again, I have had to rethink how I dress for work to account for "straight from work interviews", it has also made me rethink how I dress for work in general and what makes me more confident.

With the imminent big move I have been thinking a lot about what I have, what I wish for and how I use the items together.

I enjoy having an outfit that I know makes me feel good and flatters me, I am losing weight too, it's great to have an outfit that looks better every time I wear it.
Right now for me, that is a LKBennet black jersey dress (which I wish I had bought two of) and leopard print shoes.  The flash of red lipstick (dubonnet) is the extra thing that helps me feel confident.

Have a great weekend.

Tuesday, 21 January 2014


I am now officially on count down to moving.


This has been a fairly long process. At times, fairly traumatic, and it's not over yet.
We decided to move last summer, we knew that it would be a little complex as we were selling two properties to buy one, but we knew it was the right thing to do.

I think we were lucky.  We looked for two months.  We offered on four places. On reflection, the only one of those four we would have been happy with was the very first place we offered on, and even then it's not quite in the right location.

What we got ticks all the boxes.  I couldn't quite see it at first,  I didn't fall in love with it as  I walked through the door.  Neither did Mr T.  He fell in love when he walked outside.

The garden is amazing.  He was sold.
Being four month later, we have got to know the vendors and I will confidentially say that they are lovely people, but their taste in décor, well, it's just a bit bland.

Ironically in the other properties that we looked at, although in much better condition and decorative state, I was able to visualise how we would change them quite easily.  This place is pretty much a blank canvass, yet I wasn't able to immediately see how it would become ours.

A number of things had aligned to get us in to view this place before it officially was on the market.  Looking at houses in our price range along with, literally, hundreds of others every weekend, meant we were fully aware of the need to make an offer quickly.

We did.  They said yes.  (It was a good offer, who would then want 30 couples, yeah, 30 couples viewing over the weekend.)  We agreed to move quickly and then things stopped.

OK, it never stopped but it certainly felt like that.
But then it was the new year, and suddenly we were on.

Now it's two weeks to go.
My "got to be in control" nature is going in overdrive, I am making lists, lists, and more lists.  I want the boxes to be here now to pack up.
I have a plan.
I know it wont work, but I have a plan that I am looking forward to executing.

Tuesday, 7 January 2014

Do less not more; 2014

Resolutions tend to be about doing more.

7 days into the new year and I have finally settled on a resolution that I truly intend to stick to.

Do less.

How many evenings, bus journeys, train journeys, you reach for your phone or tablet and start playing candy crush?  When did you last read a magazine without the television on?

Does this sound like you?  Do you blog in front of the tv?  IT'S ME!

It's a me that I need to change. My phone is currently my alarm, which in turn makes it the last thing that look at in the evening which in turn means I check twitter or worse the daily mail....

I need to focus more on the task in hand, I need to learn to read again without distraction.

I need to relish a journey for having a destination,  not for having internet connection.

I need to do less but do it more meaningfully.  I need to focus.

I will do this by:

  • Turning off my mobile
  • Putting music on instead of the tv
  • Not having tablet, phone, laptop in the bedroom
  • By dedicating myself time to do the things I enjoy
    • catching up on blogs with a coffee and some good music in the mornings
    • reading books in bed
    • having a night without tv
There will be no more laptop, mobile, magazine and tv all at once, I never remember anything. I think I now know why.

Enjoy the rain drops.

Will you commit to giving anything up this year?

Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Resolutions and wishes for the New Year

It's such a cliché to comment on how fast the year has gone, I really don't think that it has gone quickly.  We have done so much but been hanging on for more to happen.

2013 was the year of selling and buying.  Only we didn't quite get that completed.  So now 2014 will be the year of buying and moving.  Something that I am very excited about and can't wait to do.

Tear will be shed, of both sadness at moving on from my flat and excitement at moving in to our new house together.

We have a lot of shopping to do!  Furniture to be bought, kitchen to be bought, windows to be bought!  It will be a big start to the year.

It marks the beginning of the next chapter.  One which has many assumptions attached to it.  Children being the main one.

We are hoping that it will change our lifestyle, just a bit, as we will have more flexibility more freedom than living in a flat. (A great one!  But still a flat.)

There are lots of things that need to be done, starting with the packing, the bit that I love.  Followed by the unpacking, the bit that I am not so good at!

2014 what do I really want to achieve;
*a new job - that has to be top of the list, but more on that later
*success moving in to the house and making it our home
*better health news in the family, if that can't be achieve, pain -free prognosis
*fun with friends
*a fitter lifestyle

Most of all, to be happy and have fun.

I wish all of this too.